Mr. M’s movie monday: Transformers 2

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Theatrical release – Transformers 2

Trans-bore-mores? Now the first term may seem a bit harsh, but hear me out. First, let me say that I’m a diehard Transformers fan. I collected most of the toys in the 80s, but like Pokemon, there always seemed to be more. I watched the cartoon movie religiously, and have my DVD versions of that and the original TV cartoon series. And I loved the first movie. Somewhere deep in the cockles of my heart, I had secretly hoped that the first transformers live action movie would have had Bumblebee kicking a little more ass than he actually did.

Enter Transformers 2. I think Michael Bay looked at the demographics of his audience and listened to what they wanted, a little too much. Because this movie now wreaks of 14- to 18-year-old boy dreams. There are two elements of the sequel that increased their presence by approximately 300% – Megan Fox trying to look hot (and succeeding most of the time) and blinding transformer battles.

The first major scene of the movie opens in China, although filmed in an old abandoned steel mill in Bethlehem Pennsylvania. The Autobots, half of whom you’ve never seen before and aren’t really introduced throughout the entire movie, are hunting Decepticons that are hiding out in different areas of the world. After the first big battle, which last for about 15 minutes, the defeated Decepticon warns Optimus Prime (the leader of the Autobots) of the “Revenge of the Fallen”. The Fallen turns out to be an ancient Decepticon (the bad guys) who has mysteriously not aged (unlike the ancient Autobots that surface) and is wicked powerful. His one true desire is to destroy our solar system to harness its power. While a lot of reviews say that there is no plot, that’s not entirely correct. It’s just limited and plot development is buried in the monstrous robot battles and Megan Fox pouts.  

Oh and the Decepticons have apparently been busy in the baby-making department or whatever is that they do. Some are Megatron (field general of the Decepticons) look-a-likes, which doesn’t help during the big battles scenes. “Did Megatron just die?” “I haven’t a clue… but he damn well, better not have”

Moving on. The acting is, well (in one word), meh. Shia’s phoning this one in, although he’s lost some of the neurotic episodes that made him entertaining in the first. And let’s face it…Megan Fox is not there for her acting prowess. If you need further proof of this, I dare you to rent “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People”. The parents of our hero take a more active roll, but it seems as though the expansions of their rolls was simply designed to insert more swearing.

All in all, here are the questions you should ask yourself before going to see Transformers 2:

1) Am I looking for an escape from 100 degree heat or my uncle’s 4^th of July barbecue;

2) Am I in the mood for a special effects movie;

3) Is Megan Fox on my fantasy island (and yes, this extends to girls);

4) Do I know what a Transformer is?;

5) Can I suspend disbelief and the need to go to the bathroom for 150 minutes (previews included.)

If you answered yes to all five, then go see it. The battle scenes are epic, but in general, the movie is just too big. Big is not better, especially when it costs you a decent plot. Here’s my understanding of a likely producers meeting after opening weekend of Transformers 1:

            Michael Bay: Okay, so we need to start work on Transformers 2. What did people like about Transformers?

            Anonymous: Megan Fox

            Michael Bay: Okay, check. Next?

            Anonymous: Transformer v Transformer

            Michael Bay: Okay, check. Next?

            Anonymous: Swearing

            Michael Bay: Okay, check. Next?

            Anonymous: That’s it. What should our plot be?

            Michael Bay: We’ll figure out the plot when we start shooting.

Interesting fact about a part of the movie (do not read if you want to be surprised by the plot, limited though it is). When Shia and the human crew go to the air and space museum (which I believe was supposed to be in Washington but has thousands of acres out back for a plane graveyard), they are teleported to the middle east by a transformer, during which Shia hurts his hand. During the shooting of the movie, Shia was in a car accident and broke his hand… there was much talk about how production could continue with its star in a cast… Gratz, Michael Bay for introducing “broken hand by teleportation.” Although I must have missed where the splint and actual cast came from in the desert. It may have been Megan Fox’s shirt. Her level of clothing did fluctuate quite a bit, so I’m not quite sure.