transition: when does a woman become a mother?

Amy is a wonderful spirit and presence in the virtual world, which means she must be pretty darn sparkly in person as well. Well, then I watched her episode of Secrets from a Stylist and read about her eating Spaghetti-O’s on her Big Sur camping trip (my favorite camping indulgence too!), and pretty much realized that I needed to stalk her on a daily basis because she was just that cool. She’s about to enter the world of motherhood (or already has?) and I can’t wait to follow that journey as well!  She blogs at Dandelion Paperweight and at tweets at @AmyC83.


transitionWhen does a woman become a mother? Is it when her baby is born? Is it when she becomes pregnant? Is it when she decides to try for a baby?


Me with our friend’s baby Brooklyn, at a time when I so desperately wanted to be pregnant.

I remember talking to my therapist – yes, I see one every three weeks or so and it’s awesome – at some point last year when we were struggling to get pregnant and I told her how I never knew if it was safe to drink when I missed my period and the tests were negative. What if I was pregnant? Could I harm the baby with a few glasses of wine? She said something then that changed my view of motherhood. She said that trying to conceive and taking that first step is the first step of motherhood and that I should be making choices as if I was already pregnant because I was headed in that direction anyway. Now, I’m not going to lie and say that I never had another drink after that, but I was a bit more conscious about the choices I made and always had her advice in the back of my mind.



Now that I’m pregnant, I understand even more about motherhood. Seeing our baby move around on the ultra sound made this whole responsible-for-another-human thing so much more real. Then, a few days later, my husband casually called me Mama. Not like his mama. but just amama. That one word felt so amazing to hear.

Our little cutie pie looking much more baby-like than the first ultra sound.

I know that this is just the tip of the iceberg for me. I’m sure I’ll feel many more moments of motherhood throughout my pregnancy and of course on a whole other level with the baby comes. However, I bet it doesn’t end there. Motherhood seems to evolve as children grow. A woman goes from being the giver of life to sustaining life (breast feeding) to nurturing life to helping that life mature to watching the life create a life of its own. What could be more incredible or fulfilling?


  • Jen @ Living a Brighter Life

    Great post Amy! Very thought provoking! I never thought about the “not drinking” when you’re “not sure” in they way your therapist did. I’m always wondering if I should give up wine completely for good until I get pregnant, even though I have NO idea when that will happen!

    PS. Love your blog and so happy for you! :-)

  • Michelle

    Awesome post! I do think it’s okay to have a little wine and caffeine during the TTC process (drink till it’s pink! – read that somewhere once, haha), though I’m not really drinker, but there is something about the power of thought. I believe that if you want something bad enough, you should act as if you already have it, and it should manifest. And I think some people are born mothers and are more motherly than others, I don’t think you have to be someone’s mom to be a mother. :)

  • Laura

    Great post. As a new mother myserlf, I am amazed and how evolving being a mother really is. But I do agree that I felt like a mother while I was TTC.

  • Angie

    So sweet that your hubby is already calling you “mama.” I have always known that you would be a fabulous mommy and am so excited for you!!